Looking at three Star Trek couples we wish we could erase from history this Valentine’s Day.
Star Trek and Valentine’s Day, what more can fans ask for? Well, a lot of things, but hey, how about a list that ties Trek and Valentine’s Day together? We’re talking about the good, the never-weres, and the stuff we wished we forgot.
We’ve already covered the couples we wish we got, but now we’re looking at the couples we wish we could forget. The worst of the worst and frankly, the ones that make it hard to want romance in Star Trek.
But first, some honorable mentions, or dishonorable mentions, I guess. The rest are in no particular order.
Honorable Mentions
Star Trek: The Next Generation – Beverly Crusher and the ghost (Ronin)
Yup, Crusher got it on with a ghost. So dang stupid. The obvious choice to give Beverly Crusher was Jean-Luc Picard but the writers opted to leave him away from Crusher to better pursue romantic subplots with him and other women. This was a mistake, as Crusher ended up having to date a ghost.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – Kira Nerys and anyone who wasn’t Odo
It was bad enough that Odo was pining after Kira Nerys for the entirety of the show, but the writers of the series then decided to finally put the star-crossed lovers together, only for Odo to return to his home planet. To think, they wasted seven years of not having them together only to put them together just about at the last minute and then break them up again. Torture. All of their prior relationships were just the worst. Save for Odo and Lwaxana Troi. She was gentle with him, and that wasn’t customary for the shapeshifter.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine – Julian Bashir and anyone
For some reason, all of Julian Bashir’s romances were super creepy. Remember when he fell for Sarina Douglas, the genetically-engineered woman with no social skills? Or Melora Pazlar, the Elaysian who he nearly pushes into a surgery that would keep her from returning to her home planet? Or the fact that he could never get Jadzia Dax, so after she dies, he hooks up with her replacement Ezri, despite the fact that Jadzia was married to Worf and now Ezri, with Judzia’s memories, is now dating Worf’s co-worker. I mean, man, Bashir was kind of scummy.
Star Trek: Voyager – Tom Paris and Kathryn Janeway
They had lizard babies.
Star Trek: Voyager – Chakotay and Seven of Nine
Two of these are about forced chemistry and better options on the table. For Seven of Nine and Chakotay their romance was a bit forced, and a little hammy but not a terrible idea. Had the two been paired up at the start of the series it would’ve been fine, Jeri Ryan (Seven of Nine) and Robert Beltran (Chakotay) are great actors.
Their characters are also predisposed to get along, with Chakotay leaving the Maquis to be the commander of Voyager, while Seven of Nine was a Borg drone. They both have a past that haunts them and a desire to do better. It works.
The problem is the relationship was developed and explored from the start of season one, no, Ryan didn’t join the cast until the end of season three. It also wasn’t explored early in season four when Ryan was settling in. Nope, it was explored in earnest in season seven, after we saw numerous other relationships pop up that made far more sense.
Sure the couple got married in the alternate future but that wasn’t to be in the canon ending of the show. Had Chakotay and Captain Janeway, and The Doctor and Seven of Nine not had impeccable chemistry with one another, maybe the Seven of Nine and Chakotay romance would’ve been more palatable to fans.
Star Trek: The Next Generation – Worf and Deanna Troi
Yikes, talk about shoe-horning a relationship. Worf and Deanna Troi do not work. Worf was a gruff, borderline-sullen, Klingon who believed in honor above all else. Deanna was a half-human, half-Betazoid who was based in her emotions. One was a warrior, the other an empath. The two have drastically different personalities and value completely different things.
The usually calm Deanna didn’t value the same things Worf did and vice versa, that’s why their pairing was doomed from the start. It was also made worse by the fact that William Riker, the man Deanna would later marry and have children with, was always the end game. For many viewers, Worf was just a detour, and that wasn’t fair to Worf.
In fact, if Harry Kim had the worst luck in Trek when it came to dating, Worf was easily second. Deanna basically left him for Riker, his relationship with K’Ehleyr ended with her death, his relationship with Jadzia Dax ended with her death, I mean, man. Just don’t date Worf.
Jadzia is another reason why this relationship with Deanna was awful. Jadzia was so perfect and in hindsight, it further makes the Deanna/Worf pairing even more ridiculous. Jadzia understood, respected, and even liked the way Klingons see the universe. She paired very well with Worf, and oftentimes, it was Jadzia and not Worf who needed to be reigned in. They were a perfect pair. Unlike Deanna and Worf.
Star Trek: Voyager – Neelix and Kes
I like Neelix. You probably like Neelix but the “cool” thing is to hate on Neelix. For four seasons Neelix had incredible character work, and for the three seasons prior he gave Voyager a much-needed guide through the Delta Quadrant. Yet, one aspect of Neelix really rubbed fans the wrong way, myself included.
His relationship with Kes.
Kes was herself a very bland character. And the two together were like porage and oatmeal mixed together. Two items so bland they often get mixed up for one another. No couple can survive being boring but if boring was the only sin these two had, then we could look the other way.
That’s not the case, though, as Neelix was weirdly possessive of Kes, to a frustrating degree. Kes, in turn, loved that about Neelix. Ok, so they’re both a bit freaky, but that’s it, right?
Kes is two when the series starts. Yup, she’s two years old. Now, this isn’t some alien thing where the planet she lives on takes ten Earth-years to rotate around their sun once. Nope, she’s just 17,520 hours old. Now, that’s kinda icky for us, but their version of a two-year-old is a 20-year-old woman.
Essentially, Ocampans have the lifespan of a dog.
So when you factor in that as characters in the first few seasons, they’re both wildly bland, weirdly possessive, and have a gross age difference; yeah they’re the worst couple in Star Trek history.
That said, Neelix really comes into his own in later seasons and he doesn’t date anymore two-year-olds. So thumbs up.