Valentine’s Day: 3 Star Trek couples we wished we could forget

Star Trek: Voyager – Neelix and Kes

I like Neelix. You probably like Neelix but the “cool” thing is to hate on Neelix. For four seasons Neelix had incredible character work, and for the three seasons prior he gave Voyager a much-needed guide through the Delta Quadrant. Yet, one aspect of Neelix really rubbed fans the wrong way, myself included.

His relationship with Kes.

Kes was herself a very bland character. And the two together were like porage and oatmeal mixed together. Two items so bland they often get mixed up for one another. No couple can survive being boring but if boring was the only sin these two had, then we could look the other way.

That’s not the case, though, as Neelix was weirdly possessive of Kes, to a frustrating degree. Kes, in turn, loved that about Neelix. Ok, so they’re both a bit freaky, but that’s it, right?

Nope.

Kes is two when the series starts. Yup, she’s two years old. Now, this isn’t some alien thing where the planet she lives on takes ten Earth-years to rotate around their sun once. Nope, she’s just 17,520 hours old. Now, that’s kinda icky for us, but their version of a two-year-old is a 20-year-old woman.

Essentially, Ocampans have the lifespan of a dog.

So when you factor in that as characters in the first few seasons, they’re both wildly bland, weirdly possessive, and have a gross age difference; yeah they’re the worst couple in Star Trek history.

That said, Neelix really comes into his own in later seasons and he doesn’t date anymore two-year-olds. So thumbs up.