Hello, human readers! Redshirts Always Die has given me, Spot the cat, the opportunity to discuss an issue that’s near and dear to my heart: android companions. Trust me—I’ve heard the concerns and complaints! “I’ve always wanted to adopt one, but I’ve heard they’re hard to train, they aren’t as affectionate as biologicals, and they’re always sitting in the chair you planned to nap in 10 minutes from now or maybe never.” These are all valid points, but take it from me when I say you can train an android companion, and all you need is time and these tips.
Android companions need enrichment
Your neighbor or a friend might have told you that android companions don’t need enrichment because their positronic brains offer plenty of that. I believe that these types of companions thrive on it and, with a little creativity, they can even learn commands! I taught my companion, Data, to make a lap for me by sitting in the chair in front of the computer console. By sitting there the moment he needed it, I taught him to pick me up, sit, and place me in his lap. It’s something enjoyable we do together every day.
Keep them on their toes at mealtime
Some cats don’t keep android companions because they don’t need to eat, and hunting off a companion’s plate when it’s left unguarded is one of life’s greatest joys! While I can’t deny that, mealtime can provide both fun and learning for an android companion. First, note the food supplement number they choose and eat it for 3 days. Then, on the 4th day, refuse it. This leads to a carousel of sound and lights as your android tries to program a food you will eat every day without complaint.
Use patience while teaching an android companion commands
Data responds well to my commands, like “Feed” and “follow me,” pretty well now, but it takes patience. Despite an android’s ability to compute numbers in the blink of an eye, it took me weeks of forehead pressing, nipping, and walking exactly one pace in front of him before he obeyed. (I heard there used to be a “clean it” command in the past where our companions sanitized our marking spaces with a plastic scoop, but that has to be a myth!)
Please reconsider adopting an android, or if you already have one, I hope that these tips help you form a stronger bond with your companion. I’d like to thank Redshirts Always Die for letting me guest write this article. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear my beloved Data and feline supplement #257 calling me!